The Dance

“Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance” – Garth Brooks

Just about a year has passed since we said goodbye to Scott’s dad.  For over 20 years, I gained another “Dad” and feel so lucky to have had him in my life.  Since he lived with us, we witnessed his failing health through a magnifying glass and it was difficult.  Roles were reversed, as Scott wholeheartedly and heroically took on the role of caregiver to his dad.  Emotions were raw, as we helplessly watched his dad valiantly fight the inevitable loss of independence. 

I really miss him.  And anniversaries (especially the first one) can be so damn powerful.  There is a lot more that I miss than can be articulated….

I miss telling him about my day

I miss seeing the twinkle in his gorgeous blue eyes when he saw any of his family

I miss  hearing the daily bantering between him and Scott

I miss hearing him talk to Bella

I miss hearing him humming a tune

I miss seeing the glow of his often-too-loud TV when I couldn’t sleep

I miss him rushing out to sit on the ‘piazza’ to watch a good thunder/lightning storm

I miss hearing the word ‘piazza’ in reference to a porch

I miss how proud he was to show us off to his friends when we visited him in Florida

I miss his big bear hug whenever he would return home from time in Florida

I miss how hungry he was to read every one of my papers I’d write for school

I miss hearing him tell us how crazy we were for running (then being so proud when we finished)

I miss hearing him say, “I love ya’s”

What I don’t miss is having had the dance – he brought me my Scott, he shared his whole self, and he enriched my life.  I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat.